I usually stay out major conversations because someone typically says what I believe should be said. But, just as with Chris Brown and Rihanna, the responses that have been issued about Ray Rice’s abuse of his now wife have just been insufficient. Everyone is so worried about the video footage and Rice’s suspension that they are overlooking that unfortunate truth that Rice and his wife need help. As a people we are desensitized to violence. When we see Beyonce’s sister fighting her husband on an elevator or Rihanna’s face swollen, we look to the left, instead of the right direction of the issue. As a generation, we completely misunderstand the psychological dilemma that domestic violence presents. At age 18, I could see so clearly how we are jaded to the images of violence; of battered men and women; of anger on display. That was years before I would face my own physically abusive relationship; months before I would face my own demons about denial; days before I would face the fact that even without bruises I was in a demonizing cycle. I wasn't married to the man who put his hands on me but I was tied to him, just as many women who face abuse from those they “loved.” The commentary that I have heard has made this tie a laughing matter. They have turned Mrs. Rice’s bond to Ray a reflection of greed, stupidity or lack; when really the bond or tie that the Rice’s reflect is the codependency that often accompanies abuse. I know many women like Mrs. Rice. I may have been one myself if I didn't have a great support system. Now that I have battled my own toxic bond to a man who “accidentally slapped” me, I can truly say that you don’t know what you would do unless you were in the Rices’ shoes. Men you don’t know how you would have treated your fiancé if you faced the anger management problems and personality complexes that Rice face. Women you don’t know how you would have acted if you were knocked unconscious in an elevator by your fiancé. The public chiming of theoretical outcomes that should have and could have occurred are all noise. The sounds that must drown out that noise are the ringing of solutions that will keep both parties, Ray and his wife, from suffering demonization. Both of the Rices need help, prayer and a second chance. Rice deserved to be taken from his post on the Ravens, not strictly because of his actions but because of the negative effect his actions could have on the Baltimore Ravens brand. Rice should also be given a chance to return after extensive counseling and anger management rehabilitation. As for Mrs. Rice she needs a support system that will help her learn that the “love” she shared with Ray was sordid and ineffectual and that real love takes hard work not bandages, Neosporin and sunglasses. Mrs. Rice needs to learn that the best help she can give her husband is by showing him that her love is not subject to his abuse. What the public needs to do is stand up against violence without turning human beings into punching bags for their hurtful language. What the public needs is a cold hard look at how we devalue mankind by turning abusers and the abused into spectacles for pity. The public needs to throw away the antique commentary about domestic abuse and replace it with discourse that provides rehabilitation for victims of domestic violence: everyone. We all suffer when footage like the Rice’s arise, because even though our personal lives seem unaffected, our minds become jaded, cynical, accustomed to violent exchanges.
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ATS MagAgainst the Stream Magazine is an urban platform. We edify our readers by finding noble, pure, and true talent and giving it a stage to flourish. While we love bragging about the folks around us, we also tackle urban issues by giving real world solutions. Archives
September 2015
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